| At Viktor's request... |
[26 Apr 2002|02:24pm] |
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mood |
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Find your Role-Playing Stereotype at mutedfaith.com. [Angel.]
What the heck? :) Well, sounds like what Raine always used to tell me, so I guess it's true enough.
The first question didn't really have an option I'd like. I mean, if I was in a bar, I'd be staring at Raine or Julia, of course! :) Guess the last question makes up for it, because that's exactly what happened...
Work = boring. :P But I haven't taken my lunch break yet, so maybe I'll do that. :)
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| :( |
[27 Feb 2002|10:14am] |
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mood |
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Viktor's a big meanie doody-head. :(
:) You guys are driving me nuts! Bad enough I can't even be there to see what's going on myself! Man, days like this I just want to quit this gig and go back to writing for TM. :)
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| Snitched from Viktor! |
[11 Feb 2002|01:42pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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lagunarock
All right! That's a good color. :) I'm not taking the beauty test though - I'm already in enough trouble if Ward and Kiros ever find this. :)
Hmmm, not much else to write about right now... I'm taking a late lunch break. :)
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| Miss me? :) |
[06 Feb 2002|08:42pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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Hey, been awhile since I wrote in this thing! I've been busy, busy, busy! ...Okay, my secretary is on my case now to stop lying - bad for my political reputation. Heh, actually, I lost my password. :) And I feel like such an idiot about that, really... but oh well, remembered it again. I mean, everyone says to not use the same password on all your stuff, but how am I supposed to remember what password goes where if I don't? :)
Anyway, things have been pretty cool... New Year's was fun. Spent part of the evening with newer friends, then went to hang out with Ward and Kiros to actually wait for "the moment". I was soooo drunk by the time I got back, cause Ward's like, invulnerable to the stuff, and we were going shot for shot for awhile, but that was okay. :) And things have been kinda weird with those two anyway. I was sort of hoping that we'd cleared some stuff up awhile back and made it LESS weird, but I dunno, feel kind of guilty about it now, even if Kiros says it's okay. :/
Paperwork's all over the desk. I've been working late into the nights these days, sometimes taking stuff home. Can't sleep so well, but it's not that big a deal, because there's always something to do! :) Okay, so most of the time it's not things I want to do, but they need doing anyhow... boring... but there's other people around who've had trouble sleeping, and they're up to some interesting stuff at the strangest hours. Had a nice talk with one guy I didn't know so well the other day, and found out he's a writer too! Writes poetry, mostly, and it's not bad at all. :) Kind of disturbing, but that's not so surprising coming from him, with his background... and talking to him and reading his stuff was lots more fun than this paperwork. :/
Hey, maybe I'll ask Fujin how she does that origami stuff, that would make my paperwork interesting! >:)
Okay okay okay, back to work. Geez, you'd think my secretary was my boss or something. :/ Or my wife. Nag, nag, nag... Just kidding - love ya, babe! :) Oooh, I'm gonna get smacked for that...
Before I do, though... Zell, Selphie? Cheer up, you two! Your lives are just beginning, and you're the kind of people who'll shine out and brighten the world! :)
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| More vacation talk... |
[05 Nov 2001|06:08am] |
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 mellow |
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I'm in Dollet right now... either up too late or too early. Not sure which it counts as, cause I passed out for a little while earlier. I'm a little drunk still I think (not as drunk as that entry the other day thogh :)) but I went walking down to this little internet cafe thing down the road from the hotel...
TOmorrow I'll be renting a car and heading back through Balamb. Hey, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) j_trasker? I think I'll be at Garden for part of the day, so feel free to look me up! I'd be glad to talk for awhile! :)
But yeah, I figure I better stop back by the Garden, cause I wanna see my kid before I go back home... :) He emailed me the other day after I left, and it was just so sweet. He's not like me, where he's willing to talk to just about anyone about what he thinks, so he couldn't get the words out when I was standing right there in front of him, I guess. But there are some issues, naturally - he has his questions and his fears and his angers, as well he should. And he knows we're never going to be like an ordinary family or anything, considering I have my work, and now he's old enough he has his own, but well, the connection's there, and we're going to see about working on that.
Really, maybe I shouldn't be seeing him in person again so soon, because we were getting kinda deep in the emails... I dunno if he's ready to deal with that fae to face yet. I dunno if I am either, but I'm willing to try! :)
The other parts of the vacation were nice.. Kiros and I hung out at the Galbadia Hotel - and would you believe that our table's still there? And I think it's the same piano Julia played, still up there in front... I dunno much about musical instruments, but picturing her sitting there, it looked right...
From Deling City, we took a train into Timber, which is really a nice place to go on vacation. Cultural and stuff, and historic, with the first TV station to make a broadcast in years and everything. Of course, we mostly just went back and looked over the old Timber Maniacs building, talked to a couple guys I knew that were still working there... then headed to the bar. :)
Then the time came to head over to Winhill... I was kind of afraid to go into the village, cause last time I tried that, some of the older people there - who had been the younger ones last time, really - remembered how I'd left Rainey when she needed me, and never came back... but now that the news has gotten out about what happened to Esthar and everything, they finally believe what I told them - I really couldn't get back! So they kinda grudgingly accepted my visiting... not that you'd know it was grudgingly, cause they fawned all over "the president" and all that stuff. Kinda hypocritical. But all I really want is everybody at peace with each other, and that won't happen if I start insulting them, will it? :)
Naturally, we stopped by Raine's field... not much to say about that, really...
That's when we headed up here to Dollet. Old town, quite a personality. I like it a lot. :) Even if it did teach me a lesson about the evils of gambling some years ago. :) And me and Kiros have just spent the last couple days kicking back, sitting around in cafes, looking at paintings, and... yeah, playing some cards. But not for money! :)
So that was my vacation so far... I also sort of put to rest another issue, more or less, but I'm not so sure I want to talk about that here. Hey, I did get a kiss this last week! :) Regardless, I'm still single... kind of a one time thing. It's just that it's hard to meet the kind of girls I like when you're my age, even when you're famous. :)
I'm glad Kiros made me do this... glad he came with me too. I bet Ward isn't, though. :) Ah well, he can take the next week off if he wants - I feel like I could handle anything right now. :)
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| Checking in from Garden's computer lab... |
[31 Oct 2001|08:52am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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Well... I got up the nerve to tell him. I guess maybe I could say he took it well? I mean, he didn't get really upset or anything, in fact he already half figured it out, he said. I mean, Ellone was always "sis"... she was "sis" to everyone, but especially him, and since Ellone was my kid, well...
Yeah, so he didn't freak out or get mad or anything, but he didn't really react at all. :/ I dunno what I was hoping for... I mean, I didn't expect him to get all excited and start going "I love you Daddy!" or anything, but I was expecting something... It's like it had no impact whatsoever on him, he doesn't care, I dunno.
I guess it's just gonna take some time... After never having even met each other for seventeen years, I guess I can't expect him to be able to make up his mind how he feels about it right away.
So anyway, after that, I rented a car and drove into Balamb to get some ice cream at that place Selphie was talking about, to cheer me up some. So I was sitting there eating, and who should walk in but Selphie? :) So she got some ice cream too, and we were sitting there talking for awhile. Just about silly stuff, I wasn't gonna let on that I was kinda bummed... that wouldn't be like me, would it? :)
So later I drove her back to Garden, and somehow we ended up hanging out in the computer lab for awhile. I was actually going to update this thing, but we kinda got distracted by those dollmaker sites she had bookmarked. :) I dunno, I guess the sugar got to our brains or something, cause look what we made!
Kiros! Well, I did threaten to do this to him if he made fun of me! :)
Zell! I don't get why Selphie put a chicken there... we were really tired, I guess. :)
Me! Dude, I'm sexy! :) All the sparklies are Selphie's fault, I swear. We were getting really goofy by this time.
Viktor and Flik! Okay, so we were kinda reaching here... and really, really tired and hyped up on ice cream. But aren't they the cutest couple? :)
So yeah, that cheered me up a lot, and then I headed back out to the hotel in Balamb for the night. Man, it's been ages since I stayed there. So peaceful, with the sound of the ocean right outside, it's barely changed since I wrote about it for TM. :)
Then I got up this morning and remembered I never got around to writing in the journal last night, so I figured I'd stop by here again and do that before I took off. Catching a train to Deling City, and I'm gonna meet Kiros there, speaking of hotels I haven't been to for awhile. I wonder if our old table is still there? Wish I'd told Ward to come along... well, hmm, maybe not, Kiros and I have some stuff we gotta talk about... maybe...
So one of the big questions in my life has been addressed now, and I'm just waiting for an answer. If I got up the nerve to own up to my son, I guess I can get up the nerve to address the next big question. Might as well get all the stuff that's been bugging me off my chest at once, so I don't have to think too much. :/
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| I need a break. :/ |
[29 Oct 2001|07:26am] |
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Got too much on my mind lately... Watching VH1 now, and there's this video on that was shot in New York just before that... y'know. :/ Hard as I try not to look, can't help staring at those two tall buildings in the background. I'm so glad Selphie made it back okay...
The international situation is just bizarre now, right, and for someone in my position, you can't really just ignore it just because there's nothing going on here, right? I mean, what if this happened in Esthar? Crazy people could pop up anywhere and do things like this. There are still grudges people have held for like the last 20 years from Galbadia, and Galbadia's gone and stirred all kinds of things up ever since. FH has been pretending like nothing's wrong all that time, and well, as much as I appreciate love and peace... they've got the peace, but they don't have any love, just stubborn refusal to see things like they really are. Sometimes you care about stuff so much that you gotta stand up and stick up for what's right!
Just cause everything's peaceful on the surface now doesn't mean the world's safe. But all I can do is try to take care of this country that was sorta dropped into my lap. I mean, I don't resent it at all, don't get me wrong! It's good to feel like I'm really making a difference! But I was totally unprepared for this, and times like this make me well aware I don't really know what I'm doing sometimes. :/
Thank goodness Ward and Kiros are here to back me up, and tell me when I'm screwing up. :) And when I need a vacation. Kiros sat me down the other day and told me to just take it easy for awhile instead of trying to do everything. But when have I ever been able to stop trying, huh? :) Gotta do what I can!
But Kiros is right... he usually is. He's always been able to see right through me. I guess it didn't help that I dozed off in my chair during a meeting Friday, though. He had to kick me under the table before someone noticed. :) But I dunno if anyone else would have noticed - buncha other people looked like they were falling asleep too. :)
So yeah, work... and then there's a bunch of other more personal issues too. Everything's kinda unsettling right now... it's like someone drove me out into the middle of the Kashkabald Desert blindfolded, spun me around a bunch of times, then took off. At night. So many directions I could take things, but which one is right? Where should I try to get to? If I take off walking one way, even if I happen to be right, I get further away from somewhere else... Might never make it back there.
I guess the song that just came on now sums it up pretty well. It really "belongs" to another guy I hang with, but guess we have some things in common...
So Kiros has banned me from the office for a few days... :) Not really sure what I'll do yet. Maybe go back to Balamb and see everyone at the Garden, probably hang out at the shack for awhile, maybe stop by that field in Winhill... Kiros has said if I wanted company, he'd be glad to take some time off and go with me, but that leaves a lot of pressure on Ward. I bet he could handle it, but still.
Heh. Maybe when I get back, he can have some vacation time too.
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| Love and peace and journals for everyone! |
[25 Oct 2001|11:07am] |
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mood |
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Wow, I never expected to get so many journal friends so fast here! :) Thanks, guys! Though I still don't get what was going on with that weird post last night... ah, must be one of the things kids do now, or something. :)
Darnit, I almost sounded like an old man there! Scratch that! :)
Off to lunch break now! Mmmm, think I'll be going to the deli in the mall, they make these awesome sandwiches - and they're next to that ice cream shop! Hmm, probably shouldn't get any today, I'm actually wearing nice clothes for a meeting in a couple hours... I'm kinda known for being a little klutzy sometimes...
Well, the shirt's pale green, I should be safe if I get mint chocolate chip. :)
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| Kind of a strange entry from me, I guess... |
[24 Oct 2001|07:14pm] |
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I dunno, feeling kind of thoughtful today... maybe it's just the weather, cause it's all grey and rainy here, and it was thundering really loudly earlier. I don't mind thunderstorms, but tornados were reported touching down north of the city, and I'm hearing sirens somewhere outside, and I dunno, with all the scary stuff I read in the papers these days, makes me kinda worried. Especially after the nightmares I had last night, one about that moomba I met back when I first came to Esthar, and another about Zell, for some reason.
I got a lot on my mind lately I guess, thanks to job pressures and the state of the world and the whole thing with my kid. And the other kids, really - on the one hand, it's so great to see how they're taking everything into their own hands now, and growing up into these really wonderful people, making lives for themselves and sometimes with each other, but it also reminds me of just how old I am. I don't wanna be old... And I really don't wanna grow old alone. But I don't think there's anyone I'm even interested in now, if I even could bring myself to open up that way again. I mean, the two women I really, really loved are both dead. It's kinda creepy. (I found my old write-up of Raine's place for Timber Maniacs this afternoon - maybe that's why I'm in such a weird mood.)
So that leaves, like, a casual affair? And that's just not my style at all. There's gotta be affection, but at the same time, I don't want things to be serious? I dunno... who would go for something like that?
Well okay, honestly there's one person who I suspect might, but uhm... that's complicated, and I'm not gonna talk about that in a public entry. I've been thinking about it a lot lately though.
I got a postcard from Selphie today though, and that made me smile. :)
I guess maybe I just need to take my own advice and have faith everything will be fine, cause there's so many great people and things in the world - how could everything not be fine, right? :)
Some days it's just easier to believe than others... I wish Rainey was here. Despite the name, she was a really sunny person. :)
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| Oops... |
[23 Oct 2001|05:51pm] |
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still happy :) |
] |
Wow... looking at last night's entry, I think I've learned a lesson: don't try to type when drunk. :) Sorry for looking like an idiot!
:) When Ward took off last night, he didn't go home! He was so wasted he thought he'd get lost, cause Esthar's so confusing with all the different curving streets and stuff, so he just camped out in what he thought was his office, down on the second floor. Except he was so messed up, he actually was in Kiros's office next door. >:) So Kiros came in this morning and found him sprawled out in his chair! We laughed our heads off at him, and he got all mad cause he had a headache and we wouldn't shut up. :)
I love my friends. This kinda thing was just what I needed, even if my head kinda hurts now too... whew! :)
Love and peace for everyone!
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| Boys night out... wooooo! :) |
[23 Oct 2001|03:09am] |
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 happy |
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Dude... I am so wsted right now. Hahah... But tonight was just awesome. Fisrt after Ward picked me up we went to pick up Kiros and we headed overt o this little bar, and there was this really cute girl working there :) I think Ward pinched her butt or spmething, cause I was sitting nect to him and she turned around and glared at me. :)
But it was kinda hot and louf in there,. so we just went to a convenience store and bougt a couple bottle s and wen toutside the city to hang in the salt flats. :) and we just laid out there and looked at thes tars. Hehahah, we didn't think we'd have any troub;e, cause it's really cleared up since te lunar cry, but we were just laying out there and drinkihg, then this vysage showed up... hahahah, we took off running :) Ward looks funny when he runs. :)
So we just wandered around the city for awhile, talking abotu stuff, and that was nice. :) Ward and I were talking (well he wasn't "talking" exactly but y'know) about the girls we usef to know, and as usual Kiros was just laughing at both of us :) He always laugha at us when we talk about girls, just cause he's not into babewatching I guess... sopilsport! :)
Then we headed back up here to my office, cause I;ve got such a nice view. It's real easy to forget about all the pressures of being presifent and everything when it's just you and your two buds that you've known fopr like 25 years sitting on the floor in front of the picture window with a bottle of whiskey and lookung out at the city light.s
But they've gone home now... walking, I hope :) Of course, Wards' like a tank and Kiros barely even showa it when he's drunk... he just gets giglgy. :) I guess I should go home too, but I wanted to get online for awhie first... I wa kinda depressed after they left, cause it was justlike the old days ane verything, but Zell was online too, and talking to him for a while cheered me up - he's a lot like me when I was younger. :) I hope I didn't sound like too much fo a drunken idot... not reall the kind of role model an up and coming SeeD needs. :)
I hope Selphie had a good time tonight too, I sure did. :)
:) Love and peace! :)
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| Soooooooo bored... |
[22 Oct 2001|02:00am] |
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mood |
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bored |
] |
Waiting for some faxes to come across, so I'm at the office late... There's nothing to do here but watch old cartoons on the TV... I'm so bored I even checked out some of those dollmaker sites Selphie showed me.
Julia
Raine
Ellone
Man, I am SO screwed if Kiros ever finds this journal. :)
Or maybe I'll make a doll of him too! >:)
....
BOOOORRRREEEDDDDD...
Blah. I wish I was goin' out with Ward and Kiros tonight instead of tomorrow. :(
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| Pictures! :) |
[21 Oct 2001|09:53pm] |
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nostalgic |
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Y'know how I was talking about looking at photos in my last entry? Well, after digging out those ones Kiros took, I was looking through the rest of them, and man, the memories... my secretary loaned me some old webspace so I could show them off. :)
(Edit: Oops, I screwed up, but she fixed the links so you can actually see the pics... see why I'm gonna give her a raise? Stop laughing! :))
Heh heh... Dude, I look so out of it - I think I was kinda drunk that day. :) So was Kiros, probably, but he takes good pics anyway!
Ellone! :) Isn't she pretty? She's all grown up now, but she's still my cute little Elle. I wish I had some pictures of her as a kid - she was soooooo sweet!
Old photo of Raine... Man, she was so cute too... Julia was hot, but Raine was just so CUTE. :)
More Raine! Those eyes... I could stare into them for hours and not get bored.
Haha, I was kidding around with her here. I dragged her out to this field where we used to take walks in the moonlight, when Elle was in bed... I said I had something important to tell her, so when I got out there, I told her I was going back to the military! :) She didn't believe me for a second, though, so I just came out with it and gave her my ring...
Me and Raine... Heh. She looks so small here... I'm not tall, really, but she was pretty short. (And cute. :)) She made up for it with attitude though. I tell ya, no one could scare the living daylights out of me like Rainey.
By Raine's grave... Man, that field is so pretty. Especially in the spring, when it's all full of flowers, dotting the whole landscape with pink and yellow and white... Raine loved walking out there, picking flowers with Ellone... I guess it's fitting that it should be her resting place.
...Man, I miss Rainey so much sometimes. After I met her, I didn't need to go on travelling anymore, to see the world, because she WAS the world to me... I don't really regret leaving when I did, because Elle needed me, but I wish I'd known... I might have been able to come back earlier. Maybe.
But at the same time, maybe it's for the best that things worked out like they did. I mean, just look at how my son turned out, and he grew up in an orphanage! Maybe that experience gave him the strength he needed to become the great person he is today, and if I'd raised him, I'd have totally screwed him up. :)
...I haven't told him yet. Like I said, he's turned out great - he's really made an incredible life for himself now, and everything's going right for the first time ever. He really doesn't need a dad... so what would it do if I told him? What if it freaks him out or something? I mean, I wouldn't blame him for being really pissed off about everything. His life's been tough, and it's my fault, even if I couldn't really help it. :/ Maybe it's best I just leave things as they are, since things are going so well.
Still, I'd really like him to be a part of my life. I look at him and - you know, he looks just like Rainey? It's really strange to look at him, especially when Rinoa's around, cause she looks just like her mom too. And Raine and Julia side by side... hooboy, does that idea ever weird me out. :/
...Though I kinda like it, too. ;)
Okay, okay, mind out of the gutter, Mr. President. :) Seriously, I've got too much respect for them both to think like that. They were two very classy ladies. But hey, this entry was starting to sound depressing, and we can't have that, right? The past is past, it can't be changed - better focus on the happy stuff going on right now, and look towards a positive future! :)
Like I said, my son's got a great life, and I've got a pretty good one too. And both of us have all these cool friends! Heck - even if we never really become family, he and I are friends, so it's not so bad. :)
And to end this on an even more positive note - I think me and Kiros and Ward are gonna go drinking tomorrow night! OH YEAH! :)
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| Ah, better! :) |
[21 Oct 2001|02:13am] |
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content |
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Whew! My journal looks better now that my secretary got it set up with cool colors and mood icons and everything. She even went through a bunch of pictures Kiros took and made some really neat user pictures for me! I'm so lucky to have her around, cause I don't really do so well with computers. I think I'm gonna give her a raise. Hahah, she saw me type that and she's laughing. She thinks I'm kidding. Nope! :)
So... why do I have a livejournal anyway, if I'm not so big on computers? Well, I used to write a lot, and even got published, but since I got into this whole political thing, I haven't written much except for speeches. I miss writing, especially writing about all the interesting places I went and the great people I met there, and all the fun we had. Looking back at those articles is like looking at photographs, but in words and sentences describing entire days and weeks, sights and sounds and tastes and smells and emotions rather than one quick visual snapshot of a moment in time. These days I gotta stick closer to home, but I'm still having a lot of fun with my friends (though Kiros would laugh his head off at me if he found out I was keeping a journal), and I wanna keep these memories alive too.
And also, I think a lot. A lot of people think I'm not so bright, cause I can just talk and talk and talk for hours, but that doesn't mean I'm dumb. I never stop thinking, that's the thing. Not that I always come up with the right answers... :/ But at least I keep at it, right? :)
So yeah, I'll probably update this a lot too. Half the day I'm just sitting in my office anyway. :/
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| Hello? :) |
[21 Oct 2001|12:23am] |
Someone took my name already. >:( Oh well, this is just for fun anyway, so I named my username after the spaceship that's named after me! How's that for irony? :)
This looks pretty fun... I saw Selphie (Hi Selphie! :)) had one of these, and I thought it was really cool! And even though I don't use GFs, so I don't have that whole memory gap thing going on, I'm getting kinda old, I guess... before you know it, I'll be senile, so I need to keep a journal too! :)
I hope Selphie's not mad at me for copying her and getting one of these things, cause it's like, I just think she's really cool. She has a lot of really great ideas, and I can't help but get interested, okay? :/ Hey, I wonder who else I know might have one?
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